The greatest gift to human is the inexhaustible ability of learning. Old, young, wise, not so wise, all people have the opportunity to learn something new every day. You may or may not be aware of it, but over the course of a lifetime you learn more about how life works, how other people work, and even about yourself and how you interact with others. Life is repeatedly calling us into learning, and this is especially applicable when it comes to human relationships.
As we continue our journey of life one of the greatest relationships we are called into over the course of our life is marriage. This does not unavoidably mean that it is the most important life relationship, but it is one whose success or failure has the greatest impact on your adult life. And in looking at marriage, there are a number of key skills that are crucial to steer through marriage.
In the course of life, there are couples who live in noticeable wedded bliss, and those that will tell you that they never fight or disagree. That simply is not true. As each of us grow and evolve, we are called to learn different lessons in different ways, and one of the exciting things about marriages is the way we work together and discuss our way around issues when we look at things from different point of view. Those who tell you they have never been challenged in this way have never really lived. But what determines whether this challenge is a positive or negative experience for your marriage is how both of you choose to react to your differences and work around them.
In the face of difference or challenges there are possible ranges to choices to make. The first is to back down, allowing the other to make their point and express it. Another is to challenge their point and discover whether it is correct. Another choice is to discuss both options and see if there is room for flexibility. Are both of you correct, or is one of you incorrect in your viewpoint? How much is one person’s point of view hampering the beliefs, values, or morals of the other?
The most important point here however, is to examining of one?s own thought – evaluate your actions and reactions.
* What lesson have l learned from the conflict?
* What new thing can I discover about my partner and myself?
* What new thing can I discover in order to address this issue and move forward?
The key is to understand the issues and to find small ways to forge ahead. You can call them goals; make them achievable and measurable. How often are you coming back and seeing if you have reached your goals? Are you making improvement or are you at a deadlock?
You will realize that you are always learning and finding new ways of understanding and loving each other as well as yourselves. Think of your marriage issues as an opportunity for growth and understanding.
In marriage we are called into a constant evolution, a journey of loving. The challenge to all marriages, good and bad, is to find new ways of loving each other. If you have been married one year, ten years or forty years, the challenge is still the same.